Update on Fertility Specialist Appointment

My appointment at the Center for Reproductive Medicine went well. I met with Laura Tatpati, MD and she was very nice and a pleasure to speak with. We discussed my history and what my options are since I have already done five IUI's (intrauterine insemination's) with donor sperm. I produce one follicle each month naturally and that has not improved since I have been taking Femara for ovulation induction. I have taken 2 months of 2.5 mg and one month of 5.0 mg each ending up with one mature follicle so it's not any better/worse taking the medication.

Her recommendation is to continue taking 2.5 mg of Femara cycle days 3-7 and add Follistim or Gonal-F 150 units injectable fertility medication on cycle days 3 and 5 to try to increase the number of mature follicles to 3 or 4. She thoroughly informed us of the increased risk of multiples using this combination oral and injectable drug therapy. Our chance of having twins is around 25% and triplets around two percent. It was quite surreal to sit in the waiting room of the fertility clinic and flip through the photo book and see only twins and triplets in the photos. At one point I closed the book and looked at the spine to make sure I didn't have the "multiples" photo album.

She did an ultrasound of my lady parts, I got to see my uterus and ovaries in 4-D so that was something kind of neat. Everything looking fine.

I will be able to do my ultrasound monitoring in Great Bend but I will have to go to the clinic (200 miles away) for the IUI procedure.

The clinic requires us to see a licensed therapist since we are using donor sperm before we can do the next cycle. I think this is totally ridiculous considering we have already done five insemination's and how do they think I will find someone and then get in for the appointment in the next week? They also had to redo all of my blood tests that I had done in July because the lab that was not FDA approved that did the tests. How is a hospital lab not approved? When I told them that I want to use the same sperm bank that I have been using they said they would have to check with Midwest Sperm Bank to make sure they met all of the criteria. I have this big feeling that they will not let me use MWSB because all of the information they gave me has listed California Cryobank and Farifax Cryobank.

I left feeling VERY confused and a little disappointed because of all of the BS we have to do before the next cycle.

Christmas 2008

CHRISTMAS 2008

Braxton (my nephew) with his baby doll "Erin"

Jack, Dad, Braxton & Kirk

My Dad and my Brother jointly own a sand car that is quite

impressive. They were featured in Sand Sports magazine

so my Mom had the article framed.

Braxton loving his John Deere

Tierney and Aaron opening their baby gift box to announce to my parents they were having a baby. My parents were totally confused but after we got them on the right track everyone was in tears.

Can't Wait

I absolutely can't wait for my brother and Tierney to tell my parents that they are having a baby. My sister and I have been helping them think of a ways to announce it. Since my parets know that my sister and I are both trying to get pregnant we had to come up with the perfect plan so there wouldn't be an awkward moment that they think it's one of us. Nikki & I got a bunch of baby stuff and we are going to wrap it and give it to them after everyone has opened their gifts tomorrow.

The funny thing about it is that my Mom had "the talk" with Tierney and Aaron last week. They got engaged last Christmas and have yet to set a date. Mom pretty much told them that they need to get their shit together and either set a wedding date or have a baby because she is tired of waiting.

Not much going on

Not much new going on with me just waiting for my RE appointment next week. I'm totally enjoying taking this cycle off, it's so nice not having to think about what cycle day I'm on or having to schedule ultrasound appointments. It's nice to know once I'm off the hormones my body does start to un-fluff and I'm not starving all of the time. It's nice being back in MY own body for the time being.

Womb Envy

Womb Envy.....This is the feeling I have in the pit of my stomach and in my heart when I see a new mother with her infant or a fiends pregnant belly. Why them not me? It's hard to talk about the powerful hate/jealousy I feel for other people who are pregnant or have babies. It is an ugly feeling and not one to be expressed polite company but for me is a very, very real feeling. The emotional part of infertility is unbelievable, I feel like a totally different person trapped with no way out.

Last Friday was an extremely emotional day for me. My ex-husband (whom I'm still very good friends with) & his significant other had a baby boy. I have know for 8 months they were going to have a baby and I thought I was prepared mentally for the day. When Russell called to tell me Brayden was born I told him that I would come to the hospital to see them after I got off work. When I got home I pretty much lost it and wasn't sure that I could face seeing or holding a baby. On one hand, I am happy for them, but (on the other) it reminded me that I haven't been able to get pregnant. It's so difficult to see others get what you want especially when it's your ex-husband who I tried to have a child with for several years and never succeeded. Gary my fiance and I did go to the hospital to see the baby and I'm so glad that I did. Brayden is adorable and just holding the bundle of joy reminded me that I will have this pleasure some day with my own child, hopefully soon. After we left the hospital I was feeling a little better but still in a very depressed mood. Gary is the most wonderful man and was so supportive of me even in my extremely foul mood.

Later that night my brother called to tell me his fiance is pregnant! Talk about a little character building for me, it was a double whammy! Sometimes you have to be happy for someone else's success when you can't find your own and hope the universe will balance it all out in the end. I have to accept that when it comes to babies and my fertility I don't have all of the power and control. With my Brother and Tierney having a baby I know that there will be a little one to hold in a few months and that is very comforting to me. This child will bring so much joy to our entire family that I feel bad even being slightly jealous. I was the first one that my brother told about their pregnancy. My brother just wanted to make sure that I wasn't holding out any important information before they announced their pregnancy to everyone.

Reproductive Endocronologis here I come!

I got accepted into the Center for Reproductive Medicine in Wichita. My first appointment is Tuesday, December 30th at 9:00 a.m. The next available appointment it would have been the middle of March.

After looking at the calendar for next month I think I'm going to take a month off from trying to conceive. Besides the fact that I'm mentally EXHAUSTED and need a break the timing of the next insemination would fall on Christmas. I have no doubt that the doctor would probably do it on Christmas I'm afraid the that ultrasound tech will not be available to monitor me as closely as necessary & considering the amount of money I spend each month I want everything to be perfect.

This is the bio of the doctor that I will seeing at the clinic:

Physician Dr. Von Wald completed both her undergraduate studies, with a Bachelor of Science in Biology, and medical degree at the University of South Dakota in Vermilion. She completed a residency in obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Kansas School of Medicine in Wichita. She practiced Obstetrics and Gynecology in Wichita, KS from 2003-2004. She completed a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a Harvard Medical School affiliate, in Boston, Massachusetts. She is Board Certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Dr. Von Wald is a member of the Society of Reproductive Endocrinologists and The American Society of Reproductive Medicine, as well as the American Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. She is an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Kansas School of Medicine-Wichita.

Oh yeah after all of that I forgot to say I won't know if I'm pregnant this cycle until Sunday, so keep your fingers crossed. I would love to be able to cancel the appointment in with the specialist because I'm pregnant!