Update on Fertility Specialist Appointment

My appointment at the Center for Reproductive Medicine went well. I met with Laura Tatpati, MD and she was very nice and a pleasure to speak with. We discussed my history and what my options are since I have already done five IUI's (intrauterine insemination's) with donor sperm. I produce one follicle each month naturally and that has not improved since I have been taking Femara for ovulation induction. I have taken 2 months of 2.5 mg and one month of 5.0 mg each ending up with one mature follicle so it's not any better/worse taking the medication.

Her recommendation is to continue taking 2.5 mg of Femara cycle days 3-7 and add Follistim or Gonal-F 150 units injectable fertility medication on cycle days 3 and 5 to try to increase the number of mature follicles to 3 or 4. She thoroughly informed us of the increased risk of multiples using this combination oral and injectable drug therapy. Our chance of having twins is around 25% and triplets around two percent. It was quite surreal to sit in the waiting room of the fertility clinic and flip through the photo book and see only twins and triplets in the photos. At one point I closed the book and looked at the spine to make sure I didn't have the "multiples" photo album.

She did an ultrasound of my lady parts, I got to see my uterus and ovaries in 4-D so that was something kind of neat. Everything looking fine.

I will be able to do my ultrasound monitoring in Great Bend but I will have to go to the clinic (200 miles away) for the IUI procedure.

The clinic requires us to see a licensed therapist since we are using donor sperm before we can do the next cycle. I think this is totally ridiculous considering we have already done five insemination's and how do they think I will find someone and then get in for the appointment in the next week? They also had to redo all of my blood tests that I had done in July because the lab that was not FDA approved that did the tests. How is a hospital lab not approved? When I told them that I want to use the same sperm bank that I have been using they said they would have to check with Midwest Sperm Bank to make sure they met all of the criteria. I have this big feeling that they will not let me use MWSB because all of the information they gave me has listed California Cryobank and Farifax Cryobank.

I left feeling VERY confused and a little disappointed because of all of the BS we have to do before the next cycle.

Christmas 2008

CHRISTMAS 2008

Braxton (my nephew) with his baby doll "Erin"

Jack, Dad, Braxton & Kirk

My Dad and my Brother jointly own a sand car that is quite

impressive. They were featured in Sand Sports magazine

so my Mom had the article framed.

Braxton loving his John Deere

Tierney and Aaron opening their baby gift box to announce to my parents they were having a baby. My parents were totally confused but after we got them on the right track everyone was in tears.

Can't Wait

I absolutely can't wait for my brother and Tierney to tell my parents that they are having a baby. My sister and I have been helping them think of a ways to announce it. Since my parets know that my sister and I are both trying to get pregnant we had to come up with the perfect plan so there wouldn't be an awkward moment that they think it's one of us. Nikki & I got a bunch of baby stuff and we are going to wrap it and give it to them after everyone has opened their gifts tomorrow.

The funny thing about it is that my Mom had "the talk" with Tierney and Aaron last week. They got engaged last Christmas and have yet to set a date. Mom pretty much told them that they need to get their shit together and either set a wedding date or have a baby because she is tired of waiting.

Not much going on

Not much new going on with me just waiting for my RE appointment next week. I'm totally enjoying taking this cycle off, it's so nice not having to think about what cycle day I'm on or having to schedule ultrasound appointments. It's nice to know once I'm off the hormones my body does start to un-fluff and I'm not starving all of the time. It's nice being back in MY own body for the time being.

Womb Envy

Womb Envy.....This is the feeling I have in the pit of my stomach and in my heart when I see a new mother with her infant or a fiends pregnant belly. Why them not me? It's hard to talk about the powerful hate/jealousy I feel for other people who are pregnant or have babies. It is an ugly feeling and not one to be expressed polite company but for me is a very, very real feeling. The emotional part of infertility is unbelievable, I feel like a totally different person trapped with no way out.

Last Friday was an extremely emotional day for me. My ex-husband (whom I'm still very good friends with) & his significant other had a baby boy. I have know for 8 months they were going to have a baby and I thought I was prepared mentally for the day. When Russell called to tell me Brayden was born I told him that I would come to the hospital to see them after I got off work. When I got home I pretty much lost it and wasn't sure that I could face seeing or holding a baby. On one hand, I am happy for them, but (on the other) it reminded me that I haven't been able to get pregnant. It's so difficult to see others get what you want especially when it's your ex-husband who I tried to have a child with for several years and never succeeded. Gary my fiance and I did go to the hospital to see the baby and I'm so glad that I did. Brayden is adorable and just holding the bundle of joy reminded me that I will have this pleasure some day with my own child, hopefully soon. After we left the hospital I was feeling a little better but still in a very depressed mood. Gary is the most wonderful man and was so supportive of me even in my extremely foul mood.

Later that night my brother called to tell me his fiance is pregnant! Talk about a little character building for me, it was a double whammy! Sometimes you have to be happy for someone else's success when you can't find your own and hope the universe will balance it all out in the end. I have to accept that when it comes to babies and my fertility I don't have all of the power and control. With my Brother and Tierney having a baby I know that there will be a little one to hold in a few months and that is very comforting to me. This child will bring so much joy to our entire family that I feel bad even being slightly jealous. I was the first one that my brother told about their pregnancy. My brother just wanted to make sure that I wasn't holding out any important information before they announced their pregnancy to everyone.

Reproductive Endocronologis here I come!

I got accepted into the Center for Reproductive Medicine in Wichita. My first appointment is Tuesday, December 30th at 9:00 a.m. The next available appointment it would have been the middle of March.

After looking at the calendar for next month I think I'm going to take a month off from trying to conceive. Besides the fact that I'm mentally EXHAUSTED and need a break the timing of the next insemination would fall on Christmas. I have no doubt that the doctor would probably do it on Christmas I'm afraid the that ultrasound tech will not be available to monitor me as closely as necessary & considering the amount of money I spend each month I want everything to be perfect.

This is the bio of the doctor that I will seeing at the clinic:

Physician Dr. Von Wald completed both her undergraduate studies, with a Bachelor of Science in Biology, and medical degree at the University of South Dakota in Vermilion. She completed a residency in obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Kansas School of Medicine in Wichita. She practiced Obstetrics and Gynecology in Wichita, KS from 2003-2004. She completed a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a Harvard Medical School affiliate, in Boston, Massachusetts. She is Board Certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology. Dr. Von Wald is a member of the Society of Reproductive Endocrinologists and The American Society of Reproductive Medicine, as well as the American Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. She is an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Kansas School of Medicine-Wichita.

Oh yeah after all of that I forgot to say I won't know if I'm pregnant this cycle until Sunday, so keep your fingers crossed. I would love to be able to cancel the appointment in with the specialist because I'm pregnant!

Cycle 5 Day 14 Insemination Day

Today we did our 5th cycle of donor sperm intrauterine insemination. Out of the five times that I have done IUI's 4 of them have been on a weekend. The doctors office has been wonderful about coming in on the weekends. Today a nurse wasn't avalible so Gary went with me and chaparoned. He was SO nervous to be in the room with me and being hungover really didn't help the situation at all. LOL With this cycle falling over the holidays the ultrasound tech was not avaliable on Friday so I really don't know how many follies matured.

We are already making plans for the next cycle. Dr. Marshall has agreed to let me do a minimal stimulation protocol. That means I will take Femara for five days 3-7 and then do 2 injections of Repronex on days 7 and 9. Repronex is one of the drugs women use when they have a litter of babies! That is the reason I will only be using the minimum dose for 2 days. There will be more ultrasounds than normal...oh yeah, me and dildo cam are becoming good buddies! :)

Tomorrow I will start my battle with the insurance company. I have called three different times and have gotten three different answers. The doctor told me today he is willing to work with me and order the medication and then submit it to my insurance company if my Rx card will not cover the meds.

For two days of medication it is $330 and that is the minium dose. Most people who use this drug take six doses per day for 12 days for a total of $5976 and 72 shots for one month! OMG, I pray that I NEVER have to do that many shots.

Tears and Hope

http://www.tearsandhope.com/

Thanksgiving with Sara

Today Gary's Daughter Sara, her husband Micha and their daughters Chandra and Micayla who live in Texas came to our house for lunch. I prepared BBQ brisket, cheesy hashbrown casserole, green bean and pie. We had such a wonderful time catching up on what has been going on in each others lives. I love to hear Sara talk about her childhood with her Dad. She told me that when it was her Dad's turn to cook he either made pancakes or "barf". Gary explained that "barf" was basically chili with vegetables in it. YUCK!

Tonight was Chad's bachelor party! Gary had a really good time but drank to much and didn't get home until 1:00 a.m.! He is going to be a hurting unit tomorrow! Oh my gosh I can't remember the last time we stayed out till one! I guess I must be getting older or could it actually be that I'm getting a wee bit wiser! Damn I just can't bounce back from a night out on the town like I used to.

No Shopping for me!

Today is the infamous Black Friday and I had absolutely NO urge to go shopping! I have gotten to the point that I hate going to Wal-Mart much less go when everyone in this city is there. A few years ago I went to Wal-Mart bright and early amongst the mob and an old lady rammed her cart into my heels and made me bleed. I wanted to punch her lights out so I promised myself that I would NEVER endure this again!

Gary and I did go to Wal-Mart this afternoon to buy Christmas lights for the house. Everyone must have been to the store at five AM because there weren't many people there at all.

Happy Thanksgiving & Happy 6th Birthday Zachary

We had such a nice Thanksgiving! We had lunch at my parents house with my family and Gary's daughter Anne and her three kids were there. Amazingly enough we made it all the way through our meal without talking about my menstrual cycle, sex, or anything gross! For my family this quite a feat! Now after Anne and the kids left the sex talk was ON!

For supper we went to my Aunt Brenda and Uncle Steve's house. It was so nice to get to visit with some of my cousins and other relatives. I miss the days of going to Grandma's for all the holidays.

Cycle 5 Day 10 Ultrasound

I had my ultrasound and had one follicle that was 21 and three that were 18. I feel like the double dose of Femara helped make more follies. Dr. Marshall wants to do the HCG injection Friday night at 11:30 p.m. and do the insemination 36 hours later (Sunday at 11:30 a.m.)

My lucky #38 swimmers arrived today! Yeah

Cycle 5 Day 8

I'm getting anxious to have my ultrasound on Wednesday at 10:00 a.m. I'm really praying that I have more than one mature follicle. I ordered my #38 swimmers this morning from MWSB. Joanne made a point to tell me that #44 has a much higher success rate. Number 38 was my original pick but has not been available for the past four months. This month there is one vial available of #38 so I want to give him a try.Today I called the RE's office in Wichita to schedule an appointment. I didn't realize that it would be this difficult to "schedule" the appointment. They are going to send me out a packet of papers and when I have everything completed I send the packet back. If I'm accepted they will call to schedule an appointment. Good thing I started this process early!

Cycle 5 Day 3

I have been doing some research on adding FSH injectables to my Femara cycle. I found a protocol that was Femara cycle days 3-7 and 2 amps of FSH on cycle days 9 & 11. At first Dr. Marshal my OBGYN was not responsive and said in the past he has used FSH but no longer uses it in his practice. After talking to him more and showing what I had printed off the web and had sone a lot of research he said he would consider it if I could find some additional information. After doing more research I have decided to do 2 more cycles of Femara and then make an appointment to see the reproductive endocrinologist in Wichita if I have not conceived. I have done 2 unmediated cycles using donor sperm and 2 cycles using 2.5 mg Femara with donor sperm. This cycle I'm using 5.0 mg of Femara to see if it will increase the number of follicles. While doing research I found statics of using 2.5 vs. 5.0 mg of Femara. With 2.5 mg you have a 1.2% chance of twins and a 38% chance using 5.0 mg. At this point I would LOVE to have twins and be done with the entire infertility phase of my life. My Dad is a twin and my Mom's Dad is a twin so I would love to follow family tradition. You would think with that family history and add in fertility drugs I would have a chance at ONE baby.

It just amazes me that women who have had a child have absolutely no idea how babies are made and what a complex process it is to actually conceive. The other day someone who has a child made the comment that since I am taking fertility medication and using donor sperm that I should just use all of the sperm and eggs at the same time and just make lots of babies. Hummm.....I guess people just assume that when your doing "infertility treatments" that you are doing In-Vitro Fertilization & can pick and choose how many eggs you want to fertilize.

Cycle 5 Day 1

Aunt Flo showed today! I possibly had the worst PMS symptoms this month that I have ever had so it was no surprise that she showed. I'm disappointed as always but I'm not giving up yet.